Ups and Downs

So Lord, this morning on my may to work I was thinking about my life over the last 11 years. Boy, have there been some ups and downs, and not just for me but for lots of people that are close to me. Take BFF for instance. She had pretty much everything, a new home, new cars, toys, new furnishings, etc... Then financial problems hit them and they pretty much lost everything. They had to move and lived in a tiny little place and had to start all over. Now, 11 years later, they are about to move into their brand new built house, they have new cars, new furniture etc... again. They had ups, then downs, now ups again. It's like a cycle, good times, bad times, in between times, good times again, ect... I guess most people go through these "seasons". As for my life, I've had the same thing. We went through some really tough times during the beginning, things progressed to better, then better, then better, then we bought the house, had new cars, got toys, it's been a good season. Now I guess it's time for the tough season. I wonder about those people who always seem to have good seasons and then I wonder about those people who always seem to have bad seasons. What's to blame? I know where we've gone wrong. I know what decisions we've made that have effected our financial situation. But I still wonder, even if we had done all the right things, would we still be where we are now? Would You have intervened, even though we were doing it all right, and put us right here where we are? You know that I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason" and "You are in control of everything", so if You would have intervened anyway, that's cool with me. I can say with confidence that all my years of ups and downs have made me stronger and humbler so whatever is next, I'm sure I can handle it gracefully and with a thankful heart for what you provide.

Stress

Lord, I know I'm not suppose to stress out and worry about things. I know that I'm supposed to trust you. I do trust you and I know that you do now and will always provide for me but it's still hard not to get a little worried about the issues at hand right now. You know that my house payment has gone up to almost 2 grand, and I'm sure that you know how I'm feeling about that. I called them, they don't accept partial payments at all. Here are my options, either pay the 2 grand a month or loose the house. Plain and simple. That's a very hard pill to swallow. I don't suppose you could find me a rich person who'd buy my house for me and let me rent it back, would you? I couldn't even sell the house right now! Just like buying a house, selling a house costs money too, money I don't have. And here I am wanting to quit work and become a house wife. I thought that's what you wanted me to do but maybe I was wrong. Even if Jon and I both had full time jobs, we can't afford that kind of a payment! Re-financing is out of the question now that my credit has taken a dive. I'm not so worried about loosing the house, it's just that we've put so much into it and it's big and comfy. And all the things that I've planted. You know me, I can live in a single wide with a little bitty yard, I just hate to have done all that we have done only to have to leave it behind. I almost wish I hadn't bought it. I wish I had bought a single wide to begin with.
Help me to put all my trust in you. Help me to not stress out and worry about this. Help me to know the difference between loosing what I have planned for myself and accepting what you have planned for me.
Thanks.

One Day At A Time

::deep sigh::
Oh Lord, sometimes life is so hard. Sometimes I wish you hadn't given us free will. It would be so much easier to be faithful to you if we had no other choice. I catch myself judging people when I know I shouldn't. I catch myself getting irritated at work or at Jon or at the kids. I catch myself submitting to temptations and vowing not to fall for it again only to do it again anyway. It just amazes me how loving and forgiving you are! How in the world do you do it??? I mean, I can understand how you could do it for a few, but for the whole world?!? Well, I may not understand how you do it but I sure am glad you do! I'm so glad you forgive me when I screw up. I bet you even know when I'm going to mess up way before I do it! I wish I could do that, know ahead of time when I'm about to go the wrong way. I wonder if I did know, would I then not do it? Ahh, who am I kidding, knowing me, I'd do it anyway. I mean that's what I do now so what's the difference? I'm just glad you are there to forgive me and to encourage me. I can really tell that as each day goes by, I get stronger and stronger and it's all because of you! You give me what I need, when I need it.

There is someone that I love very much that I wish would let you give her the same thing. I know that you could help where no one else can. I hope you'll call her today cuz she really needs you.

Now Lord, I know I'm not supposed to hate anything but I really, really can't stand these phones! People call and then hang up. There are all those automated calls that drive me absolutely bonkers. Then there are the people who call that have never heard of phone etiquette or have never been taught how to speak clearly while on the phone. I know I'm complaining a lot about these phones and I apologize. See this is what I'm talking about when I say I get irritated at work. I'd better hush up about it and just be thankful.
I am thankful.
I am thankful.
I am thankful.
Ahhh, that's better.
Thanks Lord!!!
Later!
:0)

Trust

I trust you.

Gray hairs!

Hi Lord,
Thanks for that muffin I just ate, it was pretty good!
Lord, what's with these gray hairs growing out of the middle of my head lately? I'm starting to look like Cruela Devil! I've pulled a few of them but you know what they say, for every one you pull, 3 grow back. It's not that I mind the gray hairs, it's just that they all seem to be on top where they are VERY visible. And it seems that since I resolved to NOT color my hair anymore, the grays are coming at mock speed!
Oh well, I always did admire Heloise's hair, maybe mine will look like that eventually.
Besides, at least Tina is having the same issue. It's comforting to know that she and I are traveling down the same road together! Ok, now I need some armor cuz she's gonna read this...

I really enjoyed church yesterday. It's nice to see such a young couple so devoted to you that way. I hope you bless them in an extra special way.

I'm really excited about sewing tonight! I wonder how many ladies that are my age will be there? It doesn't matter, I like being around older ladies just as well, if not more.

Please watch over you-know-who a little extra during the next few days. I know he's not very happy right now but he'll come around. Just remind him that we are only looking out for his best interest. He knows this but it's a lot easier to be mad at us than it is to admit he's screwing up big time. Another prime example of what happens when parents backslide. My mistakes are many, I just hope it's not too late for them.

Man, I'm gettin hungry already.

Alright well, I guess I'll go for now. I'm gonna heat up my lunch and read some.

Love you!!!

Today's Prayer

Hi God,
Yep, it's me again. Hey thank you sooooo much for helping Jon fix Bella. I was getting really nervous about how I was going to get to work this week. And thanks for having Gary at work yesterday morning, if he hadn't been there, I would have been so late. You amaze me with your timing! It turns out that Gary had no idea his truck was low on water so it worked out well for both of us!
Well, you've gotten me through another day and I've been sleeping pretty good. Last night I slept really well! I have to apologize for not making our appointment this morning. You woke me up on time like I asked you to but I just couldn't bring myself to get out from under the covers and get up. I'll try to do better tomorrow. I guess I should put my book down a little earlier tonight.
You know what I find interesting? Not last night but the night before, I was having a hard time falling asleep so I started singing in my head. I fell asleep singing "There's Power In The Blood" and when I woke up the next morning, I mean as soon as I opened my eyes, that song was playing in my head. It's like I started singing it to myself automatically. I didn't decide to do it, it just happened. I wonder if I sang it all night long? Anyway, it was a very nice way to wake up, very comforting, it made me smile.

Thanks for everything!
I love you!

Introduction

I've been a believer since I was a little girl. I think I got saved at the age of about 8 or so. I fondly remember the Church Bus stopping at my house throughout my entire childhood, not every Sunday but a lot of them. I remember the songs sang on the way to and from Sunday School; Jesus Loves Me This I know, For The Bible Tells Me So..., This Little Light of Mine, I'm gonna Let it Shine... and I remember the candy that was passed out as each child got off the bus. I remember the puppet shows and Vacation Bible School (that's most likely where my love for crafts started). I remember the scripture memorization contests. The first verse I ever memorized was Romans 3:10; as it is written, there is non righteous, no not one. I didn't know what it meant back then but I do now and I'm glad it's in there! It's a relief to know that there isn't a perfect person on this planet, that takes a lot of pressure off me!
I quit going to Church on a regular basis about 5 years ago because I couldn't be perfect. I took on this mentality that I was a phony, being the real me during the week and playing the good me on Sundays. I really didn't want to get caught buying wine and cigarettes at the local grocery store by any of my fellow church members, I didn't want to get caught being a phony, so I quit. Just like that. The kids eventually started asking why we didn't go to Church any more. My excuse was that we just got lazy. I believe that was the worst mistake, not taking at least the kids to Church. Taking myself away from God is one thing but taking the kids away with me is inexcusable. They went from time to time, I'd drop them off, but it wasn't the same and pretty soon they lost interest too. Now getting them to go is like pulling teeth. I take full responsibility for the consequences of pulling myself and my family out of the Church. I wish I could take it back, go back and undo it. Or snap my fingers and instantly put us back, as if we never left. Unfortunately, as much as I wish I could, I can't. All I can do is move forward and pray that they will follow. I'm counting on God and my mysterious powers of persuasion (that all women seem to have) to get them back to The Lord and back to the Church.
Throughout the time since I quit going to Church, I've wanted to go back several times and even attempted to do so. The problem was I wasn't strong enough to really let go of my vices. I really wanted to but just couldn't so I decided that I wasn't good enough to be at Church. I did this several times. The devil has a way of convincing you that you aren't good enough. He has a way of persuading you not to go to Church and not even to try to change; he's real good at that. I even started telling myself that one didn't need to go to a Church in order to have a relationship with God. After all, churches are full of phonies anyway so why go fellowship with a bunch of phonies? Luckily, I have since changed my views on all of this.
The truth is, you NEED church. You need Church just as much as you need the Bible. Church is like school and we are all students, of all ages. You can give a student the text books and he might get some of it on his own but in order for him to really get it, he needs a teacher and fellow students to study with. And I have learned that Church is not a place for the righteous (remember, ...there is none righteous, no not one), it's a place for normal people. Normal people who struggle. Normal people who make mistakes. Normal people who stumble sometimes. Normal people who have vices. Normal people who are fighting temptations of that nasty ol' devil and the world around us. Normal people, just like me.
I'm not sure that I want to come right out and share what my "come to Jesus moment" was but I will say that it started out small and continued to develop until I couldn't ignore it any longer. And because I know what life is like when you walk with The Lord and what it's like when you don't, it wasn't hard for me to recognize and hear Him calling to me. I'm just ashamed that it has taken me this long to answer Him.
I am very blessed to have a husband who was brought up a Christian. He's a good and loving man and I'm so glad that God gave him to me. I believe that God gives me much of my strength through my husband. He knows my desires and he knows when I'm battling something. He knows how to support me and encourage me. He knows when I am strong and when I am weak. He gladly takes me to Church whenever I ask. He holds my hand when we cross the street. He puts his hand on the lower part of my back and guides me through the doors and down the isle to a seat. He sings the songs as best he can and he bows his head to pray. He shakes hands and says good mornings to those around us. He sits next to me, my husband, my best friend, my Gracious Gift from God.
God has been working on me lately. Convicting me and calling me. He has plans for me that I cannot fulfill unless I turn to Him. I truly believe that God created each and every one of us for a specific purpose. I'm not really sure what my purpose is (other than to honor and serve Him) but I know it's important. I believe God gives us talents that we are born with. I believe that God gives of Spiritual Gifts when we accept Jesus as our savior. I guess my talents are that of the creative and artistic persuasion. I'm not sure what my spiritual gift is but I do believe that it lies dormant if your walk with God is dormant. I believe God will show me what my gift is when I am spiritually ready to use it for the purpose He intends. It is my desire to truly get to that point. I want to serve God. I want to put Him absolutely first in my life. I want to be the person He created me to be, not the person the world created in me.